“What comes to mind when you think of a sexy middle-aged woman?”

Would you say yourself?

Is it about being sexy for ourselves, or for those around us? Is “sexy” about vanity, is it about how we feel? Ultimately, why is it even important to us? In the hype of all things vanity, cosmetic products, and the “sexiest woman alive” lists, what does this all really mean for the middle-aged woman?

At the end of the day it’s about feeling wanted, desired, and relevant – feeling confident and not just noticed by men. I heard a girlfriend say, “we dress for other women in our circles most of the time, not ourselves or our partners.”

What is it about other women that we notice, and sometimes may even feel envy over? It’s in the way they carry themselves with confidence, grace, and comfort, and more importantly, it’s in the way they are so authentically themselves. We’ve all noticed women who command attention without asking, regardless of their wardrobe. The secret lies in how they let their spirit shine through: with confidence, independence, innocence and an element of mystery or mischievousness, all while of course, ageing gracefully.

So what is middle-aged sex appeal? It’s as simple as what makes you feel good, and the things that make you (and perhaps your partner or husband) fall in love with you all over again.

At middle-age, it’s not about perfect curves – it’s about comfortable in our own skin and embracing our imperfections. It’s about feeling beautiful in both a “LBD” with knockout stilettos, as well as a pair of Levi’s, a white t-shirt and runners, despite most of society thinking the former is what sexy is.

Sexy for a middle-aged woman can (and in my opinion should) be all of the above. This is us, this is our whole self, and this is us now! Not long ago, I asked my husband Michael what he thinks a sexy woman is. He paused, then quickly responded by saying “a sexy woman is confident, smart, authentic, simple but elegant, not overdone… a woman who can dress it down with little to no make-up and a pair of jeans, but who can also do herself up for a night out. A woman who looks after herself, and lives life…” and then he said, “a woman should first feel sexy for herself, instead of try and be sexy for anyone else.”

At middle-age, there are also moments where it’s near impossible to feel sexy. The ones including maxi tampons and overnight pads (sometimes at the same time), or when we’re experiencing hot flash after hot flash and are dripping sweat through our clothing or PJs once again. Times like this can be just plain debilitating, and difficult to transition back to feeling sexy.

Sexy can feel different each day with the reality of life. When I feel my best, or when I feel sexiest, is when I am rested, content with myself, and in my element – whether in a boardroom, a lounge with girlfriends, or on an adventure with Michael. Don’t get me wrong, I love putting on a great outfit and receiving compliments (what woman doesn’t!?!), but as we move through the middle-aged version of ourselves, remember it has nothing to do with our pant size, our accessories or the price tag of our clothes. It’s how we exude our true self to the world, how we’ve embraced all that we have become and how we occupy significant space in our own industries, our own lives and our own communities – no matter how they are defined.

Go occupy that space. Go explore your sexy. And refuse to be invisible, because the best is truly yet to come. And…because we can.

Photos – Kderk Photography , Casey Nolin Photography &  Leanne Lynn Photography

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